To say that I am sad is unequivocally oversimplifying a feeling that is never lucid a state that is best described as grey, mutable, subtle yet stifled with the instability of ambiguity. I am not lost in darkness without light but I am not within light basking in the radiance generated by its illumination. I do not know where I quite likely stand yet indifference does not describe it in its entirety. And my ambivalence stems from knowing that a void exists that I cannot fill on my own, that try as I must my efforts are useless. I now see that a part of my womanhood desires more than careless affection or useless affectations. I realize now that a part of me can no longer sustain itself on superficial interactions and meaningless relationships. And needing it more does not encourage its entrance in a place so glum, and the mask worn does not better this hopeless condition.
To forfeit is an effort easily achieved and thus I return to the greyness, to an area that is filled with the heft of nothingness, the product of detachment and apathy. I am stuck here hoping to be freed.
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1 comment:
We all reach this point at some time in our lives, I like the honesty in your expression.
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